Love and other drugs
21 Feb 2012 1 Comment
I think I’m too independent to be owned.
Independence is something Lady has fostered in me for years, especially when it comes to my children. So, I’m independent, I make decisions, I mother the kids to the best of my ability, and…nothing is right.
And there’s this voice in my head that is screaming, “what about all the independence you have pushed me to have?”
My head is spinning. Her way or the highway applies to ME. But I like to think I have equal decision making power when it comes to the smalls. In her eyes, I don’t. And it’s making me absolutely crazy. They didn’t sign up for this, I did. I chose this. I would choose it every day for the rest of my life. For ME.
I think part of it is that we are having to redefine ourselves, yet again. I know we are both getting tired of THAT. First we were just a couple, then we were Lady/slave, then we lived together with the kids half time, then we lived together with the kids full time, and now She is traveling so much we barely get to see her. When she is home, she is so stressed its unbelievable. When she leaves town, I run the house. Then when she comes home, no one is doing things to her expectations. And we end up fighting. A lot.
Most of the problem is that she is a control freak Type A edge of the room person, and she lives with THREE passive, Type B middle of the room people. Our idea of housekeeping is sweeping the room with a glance and picking up the big stuff so no one trips over it. Hers? Um, total opposite.
Fireworks, people. Especially after I tell the kids theyve done a good job and I’m satisfied, and then she sees the same thing and blows her top. And an unhappy Lady, well, you get the picture.
Her wants and needs come first. I shouldn’t fight. Period. I should accept. Her deadlines should be mine. But in reality – its not working out that way, because of me and my baggage and issues. I simply cannot, most of the time, understand what the big deal is. And I have TRIED to understand. She will point it out and I will get it. Then the next time, I just don’t get it. Again.
We tried her setting expectations, and that didn’t work. We tried her setting specific things for them to do every day, and that didn’t work. Mostly because I’m so laid-back. Most of this isn’t working because of ME.
I’m not ready to give up. But I’m not ready to relinquish authority of the kids. I’m just not. Maybe I’m misreading her. Maybe we are misunderstanding each other. Maybe?
I hope so.
Feb 22, 2012 @ 00:22:13
Even though we may be in M/s relationships, there is a still a strong vanilla flavor to life. Day-to day things that happen regardless of the D/s dynamic. Maybe it would help to step back from ownership and work on your relationship as a couple first? Kind of from a vanilla standpoint?
But if not, it might help if you and Lady have an honest talk over whether you actually do have equal decision making authority over the small things. If you don’t, would it relieve you or annoy you? Lady obviously has expectations about what it means to own you. Do you agree and want to meet those, even when you don’t see the need? To me (and I don’t live with my Master but still…) that’s one of the hardest parts of being owned is doing things Master requires that I just don’t see the damned need for.
But he does. And so he gets things exactly the way he wants them. And there are strong consequences if I don’t comply. But that is what I ‘signed up for’ lol so it makes both of us happy in the long run.
I know it’s also hard having Lady gone so much and all the upheaval in your lives lately. I wish the two of you much luck in working things out.
love, squirrel