Count

So Lady and I are having a conversation over txt today. She was telling me all the dirty things she is planning for me when she gets home. I’m all hot and bothered, wet, and messy. Then this:

L: Burn butt burn after a lady beating
L: Yep, just what I need
s: noooo
L: belt whip and need to find my crop. Plug up that ass too

At this point I am so turned on its unbelievable. Then it went weird:

s: mmmmmmm
L: Ram big black in my counts pussy

And all the sudden, in my head, all I could picture was the count from Sesame Street trying to ram big black up in my cunt. And counting the strokes. So, I absolutely lost it, giggling, laughing, good feeling abated.

Well, ok. Not – abated. Just toned down.

Then I get this:

L: Bend the cunt over the bed and beat her

Good use for slave

Cuff the cunts wrists to the head and foot board
No touching cunt

s: but please??

L: No cunt. My property my pleasure not yours

Cunt is property and only pleasure for me

You will put big black in right before you go to sleep. You will not use it. You will put him in and get him in all the way and then NOTHING

Cunt is going to know who owns her. Cunt is a possession.

*fanning myself*

Oh, my goodness, how am I ever supposed to be good NOW?

poly and expectations

I have to start out this post by saying that the whole point of this post is that *SHE* is poly, *I* am not. I am slave, but I am also much, much more, I love Her and She loves me, and it’s all twisted and tangled and “dark and twisty” as Meredith Grey would say….

She is married, and has been for 20 years. They have had issues and they are not officially “together” – but they are still legally married and are apparently going to remain that way for the rest of their lives.

The three of us have a long history together, which I won’t get into here, but suffice it to say that he? Is a total shit. He has his own job, doesn’t pay any of the household bills, has left her to pay the mortgage and all the household bills by herself, and refuses to move out of the house.

So, She is stuck. She has to pay the mortgage and all the bills to keep her good credit intact. I get that part. The part I *do not* get is that She says she doesn’t love him and doesn’t want anything to do with him but they still sleep in the same bed, and She just kinda lets him do what he wants. That’s probably not fair to say – but there you go, it’s how I feel, he runs all over her and it’s not stopping and I’m watching it and it’s making me sick.

Tonight She came to my house for a bit, I had a really bad day and She has to go out of town *again* and I needed Her to stay. I was close to tears when She left, but She still left. She said She had to go home and get some sleep. So I reluctantly didn’t whine or bitch or anything, I just sucked it up. She’s still texting me at 9:30 so I pick up the phone to call her, and heard his voice in the background…and my immediate reaction was, “oh, you couldn’t stay when I needed you, you had to run home and talk to him” which is NOT fair at all but that’s how it FEELS.  I couldn’t talk to Her, when he’s home it’s just polite conversation or work stuff – so I “got all weird” (her words) and hung up.

Well???

Do I have the right to expect Her to be “just mine”, or to be jealous, or to demand things of her?  Part of me does, part of me doesn’t.

And it galls me that She is even considering using one week of her vacation time to go out of town with HIM and her father-in-law on a trip. REALLY????? *stab*

Sometimes it feels like She isn’t being honest with herself, much less me. Sometimes I see where She is coming from. Sometimes I just want to scream. If something happened to her I would not have any right to visit her in the hospital much less at home, and I would have NO say in her treatment. I resent that, but it doesn’t feel like She understands why.

Sometimes I don’t know where I fit in. I have rearranged my entire life for her. But she still has a leg on each side of the fence, and She has a safety net. I know She will get angry when She reads this and we will have the same conversation we always have that will get nowhere because She doesn’t feel that’s the case.

I just had to get some of it out before I exploded. What right do I have to expect anything? I feel I should, because slave is not the PRIMARY part of who I am to her. Or at least I didn’t think so.

Relaxed

So Lady and I, after many work interruptions, finally got to the hotel. We ate our dinner and then just watched tv together. I leaned over to get something started – and She was fast asleep. So, I pulled out my tablet and just read for a couple hours. It was nice to see Her so relaxed, and nice to be so relaxed myself.

This morning She apologized for “ruining our night” – but I was with her, away from work and the loud teenagers, and I just got to chill.

It was pretty perfect, actually. This morning I had to go in to work for a couple hours, and then later this afternoon we went to Her house so I could climb into the jacuzzi. (I told y’all I was spoiled!)

All in all, not a bad day. And there are promises of beating tomorrow, so hey, you never know – although my ass and the backs of my legs feel like they are bruised and beaten and raw….

I wonder if She woke up and beat me in the middle of the night? 😉

spoiled

Lady has decided to take me to a hotel tonight because the house is overrun with teens and we have had a very bad week. She also bought me a salad from one of my very favorite restaurants. I’m a spoiled girl, I am!!

She made me bring the toy bag though, so who knows what the night holds? 🙂

Big black is trying to kill me..

So Lady gives me what shall now and forevermore be named “the order from Hell”(sleep with big black in my pussy every night).

It’s tolerable, but i think the thing has a mind of its own. When i wake up in the middle of the night and find him underneath me or trying to insert itself in my ASS (ohhellno) or down by my feet laughing at me it’s not so fun. Cause Lady’s all on to that. She told me if it comes out during the night I get a beating before She leaves. So of course I wake up and quickly pretend its been in all night and I’m a good girl, I am. She knows better, but it’s still fun.

The most interesting part is when She watches me put him in before bed. Her inner Dom starts jumping up and down and she has to be “all up in it”….

“Fuck that hole like Lady does, cunt”
“Cunt I said don’t you DARE cum”
“Fuck it, you’re not fucking it hard enough, do I need to shove it in FOR you?”

Apparently this is our semi-regular nighttime entertainment, which works for me.

But the worst part is -do you know how HARD it is NOT TO TOUCH with my pussy throbbing around that thing???

“Ok Lady, it’s in”
“Good, now go to sleep”
“But”-

I hate that. And that is why She loves it.

I think I’ll “help” him run away….

hmmmm

I was really really down last night after She went home. So we txted and I was in a mood and told her I didn’t want to talk about it because I would have taken it out on Her. But She made me talk about it anyway. I was hurt that She went home when I was so down and I needed her. But…

I think She went home to prove a point that She will do what She wants, when She wants, and I can’t control ANYTHING she does. If She chooses to go home and leave me struggling, She can do that. It just sucked. If She chooses to stop beating me, I need to accept it. Point proven, and I will stop beating myself up about it.

Then I asked her if I could have big black for something tangible to make me feel owned, because I was just lost without her here. So, She says yes, stick him in and leave him. All night. NO playing.

That’s not exactly what I meant, but ok….

That? Totally sucks. Dries out overnight and the silicone sticks to delicate lady parts. And turning over? Forget it.

So She allowed me to pee when i woke up and then i had to put him back in when i got back to bed “and stay there until i get home”. She gets here this morning and promptly uses me. She liked that I was wet and needy for Her so much that I “get” to wear big black every night to bed from now on. Oh, joy, rapture….

“But it hurts”
“Good”
“But it sticks to delicate lady parts”
“I don’t care”
“But it’s too biiiiig and it hurts and it doesn’t go all the way in”
“Oh it goes all the way in. Anything else you wanna complain about slave?”
“What if I get a yeast infection?”
“That’s what they make monistat for. And you will tell me immediately if you do. Anything else?”
“No…”

So that’s that. I don’t know how long this new rule will last. Maybe forever. 🙂

wanting, wet, and needy

So Lady gave me a half-O before She left for the night and told me no more touching, at all, for anything. I need to be wanting, wet, and needy when She gets back in the morning. So of course, being my monkey self, I said “why wait? I’m that way now.”  OMG I’M GONNA DIE. She is so going to kill me. I am in SOOOO much trouble that She is talking about going to go rent a hotel room so She can beat my ass properly.

IF she actually does it, maybe they will call the police and interrupt the beating coz i’m screaming so loud…..a girl can dream. She’d probably gag me just to make sure I couldn’t.

I still have bruises and She is talking about MORE bruises? Apparently they’re not “pretty colors” any more…..

I decided because I was so horny that I’d go to the innernets and do some toy shopping. There were many things I saw that I liked, but many more that I DIDN’T  like that would be very very bad for a slave’s ass or other parts. I kept saying “no, I don’t like that” and Lady would get more interested in what I didn’t like. She is talking crazy, I think She has lost her mind. Something about an ass plug that has a tail on it that She could also use as a whip. I told her “no, I don’t think so”. Like I get a choice…but like I said, a girl can dream.

I am so needy. SO needy. And damn her, She left me this way.

As She was walking out the door, She told me to “go blog about what a bitch I am.”

So, I did. 🙂

ehrmagerd…..my ass hurts….and so does the rest of me…

So, I know you all are wondering what happened. Or maybe not, but you get to know anyway, cause I’m a giver. 🙂

Well, I got beat.  And beat and beat and beat and hurt and made to orgasm on command and…well, you get the picture. But, I honestly thought that we would get interrupted and things wouldn’t work out and I wouldn’t get beat and we would both be frustrated and still dreaming about it…but it actually HAPPENED. I think we were both shocked by this. Because we ALWAYS get interrupted.

Two whole days with just a minor teenage grief crisis (literally, but thank god not a major one), not bad in the big scheme of things to be honest.

So, anyway. I am still flying. I believe Lady is too. 

I can’t remember it all. I honestly can’t. It’s just one huge blur of feeling owned and used and pain and orgasms and more orgasms and more pain and more of everything. I am still trying to get my thoughts in some kind of rational order so I can blog about it.

This part is just words, pictures come later. I am not sure how to post pictures without uploading them to this computer first, which I cannot do AT ALL because this is Lady’s work computer and she would not only beat me but I would also die, the end. SOOOOO….I will edit this later once I figure it out. I think maybe I will separate it into two different posts, one from my phone and one from the computer.  I can clear history – but forgetting to delete a graphic stray picture that her BOSS might find? Yeah – I might as well enter witness protection.

I just don’t even know how to describe half of it. Probably because there aren’t any words in the English language that I can describe adequately enough to make sense. But you all know what I’m talking about, you’ve been there, or if you haven’t you’ve made sure someone else got there cause you’re a Dom(me).  So it’s all good. Right? 🙂

I am just so owned. OWNED. And I can’t get enough. Not that She has never done this before – She has, plenty of times. But this time, I don’t know, it was just so – different, for lack of a better description. It felt different. We weren’t trying to be something, we just WERE. We weren’t doing it because that’s how Lady/slave is SUPPOSED to act – She just decided She wanted to and that was the end of it.

Her hand gripping my throat and her growling in my ear. Her body laying over mine. Her leg draped across mine keeping my legs open. Her slapping my tits. Her beating me with Her instruments. Kisses, tender moments, “slave come here”, i love you’s, crying, sobbing, screaming.  Just flashes, feelings, a jumbled happy mess of things.

Her slave could not be happier. So, I made Her go buy a new truck to celebrate. Ain’t I nice? 😉

To Be Continued……

Beaten part II – pictures

To give you more of a complete picture of what happened in the previous post, there are pictures in this one.

Thursday night on the phone I asked her for a beating. I haven’t done that in a long time and I think it shocked her. Maybe not, who knows. She seems to always know better than me what I need. She said She would be taking care of that because I have needed to for a long time. And apparently Saturday morning I told her I got her dick out of the drawer (we call him Big Black because it’s HUGE) Thursday night and ended up sleeping with it in my cunt all night. (Damned sub fog, there’s no filter!!!!!!)

Big Black looks like this:

Friday night as She was driving home I got out of the shwer and txted her to ask if I could cum. Silly monkey, to think THAT would be allowed. Then I had to go almost disobey do it anyway, because I was that needy. Luckily (or so I thought then) I stopped myself. When She got home I expected her to be exhausted. And She was. But She still decided to use me. And man, did She ever.

We got the bed quite wet. I’m surprised I don’t have a picture of THAT to post too. (there goes my mouth again…sigh. I am not allowed to edit my posts except for grammar so whatever pops out onto the screen stays there. Well…most of the time. Ok, 80% of the time. I swear.)

Anyway – Friday night is mostly a blur except for when She told me not to cum and I promptly did anyway. So She decided I was getting my pussy beat with the paddle on Saturday to remind me that Her pussy does not belong to me and I cannot just decide to cum when I want to. Now – it’s bad enough when they DO it, but when they warn you they are GOING to do it and you have all this time to THINK about it and dread/anticipate it all at the same time? Talk about driving a monkey to the funny farm.

I remember a lot of “cum, cunt, I said cum NOW” and “cum, bitch, I FUCKING TOLD YOU TO CUM NOW” and “cunt, do I need to beat you with the paddle to get you to remember who owns you AND WHOSE PUSSY THIS IS?” And suddenly finding that my body was promptly doing it. Over and over and over. I used to think those people who bragged that they could cum on command were full of it – but I can. It doesn’t feel the same as a regular one but it is an orgasm just the same. She can also make me cum without ever touching me. Not often over the phone and not over txt but if she is in close proximity to me I’m a goner. And I’m reading this saying to myself “no one is ever going to believe that” – but it’s true, and I’m as amazed as you all are, promise.

Saturday I was awakened to being used (I think) (or maybe that came just after I was awakened, hell, it’s a blur mostly). She then ordered me to get the toys out of the closet and BRING HER THE BAG. I realized that I forgot to “lose” the clothespins though, damn, damn, dammity damn. She laid everything out on the bed and told me to lie face down.

She got the paddle out and commenced to beating my ass with it to remind me that HER house must be cleaned daily and taken care of and HER needs must be met and when She gives me an order I am to damn well follow it without question. Have I mentioned HOW MUCH I HATE THE DAMNED PADDLE? I thought it was cute when we bought it with cute little heart cutouts in it. But those damned cutouts HURT and I want to THROW IT IN THE RIVER. IN CHINA. I hate it because it stings like hell.

I guess that’s why it’s my punishment paddle, huh? Damn, took me long enough to work that one out, didn’t it?

The paddle looks like this:

 

Cute, you say? Not in the least. That thing is TORTURE.

Then She told me to turn over and commenced to beating my pussy with the Damned Paddle From Hell. That HURT. I will think twice about having an orgasm “just cause I want to” though, I will tell you that.

Then She got these out:

This is the result of the paddle, the belt, and the whip after about an hour:

OMG It Hurt.

But She wasn’t done yet……:

She then proceeded to fuck me silly while taking the damned clothespins OFF.

All in all, not too bad of a weekend. I even bought her a pretty:

Nope, not bad at all.

Later, gators.

Paddles and whips and crops, oh my……..

Over the last 6 months or so, we have been focused on our careers and family and our relationship, and Lady/slave has been on the back burner.

She remedied that last night. She had a 5-hour drive home last night and apparently she did a lot of thinking. She decided She had had enough of not getting what She needed, and fixed it. Out of the blue. She came in the door and suddenly Her hand was gripping my throat growling at me telling me she is tired of her needs being ignored and things slipping. I have ONE rule, do what She says and shut my cunt mouth. All this just made me dripping wet. I WILL ask for things and I WILL get back into my proper place and she MAY allow me to live after She beats me into oblivion to remind me of my place. She will leave marks and bruises and welts on me to remind me that my body is hers to do with what She pleases and I will remember my place is to serve HER. Then she grabbed my tits and squeezed and almost pulled the nipples off. Then she fucked me into oblivion. Then she fucked my ass for her pleasure and I got the bed very very wet. I then proceeded to pleasure her and she got the bed very wet. Then she fucked me some more and told me not to cum, which of course my body decided to do anyway. I will get my pussy beaten with the paddle later for using her property for my pleasure without permission.

All this while the kids were in the next room so I couldn’t scream or make a noise.

****swoon****

And where are the kids? Gone to grandparents houses for the weekend. So I actually WILL be beaten and scream and cry and writhe in pain without half doing it and half effort spent by Lady so as not to make the children think I’m being terrorized.

And because I’m so grateful that she’s back and wants to beat the living hell out of me, we are out truck shopping. She probably thinks I’m trying to soften her up, but I’m not. I’m just so damned happy.

We have been overthinking logistics, how to work everything, and simply planned ourselves to death trying to get to exactly the place we are at. And all it took was her hand on my throat, and I was gone.

I had a dream the other night that she took my slave collar back because She wasn’t pleased and made me earn it back. So of course Stupid Slave told her about it, and slave was all smug knowing that it would never happen. Now? I’m not so sure it won’t. I have never seen her like this before. Nothing is out of the realm of possibility.

I need this. I love being slave, the loss of control, being treated like a slave and being put in my Place. And the best part is, I get to wear my collar.

I will probably be ordered to post pictures after my beating.

*swooooooooooon*